Instinct

i can’t help to feel that i’ve done something wrong. again. i did it yesterday and it was bad, but today, that bad feeling that felt like erodes my stomach, appears since this morning. have i done anything else that bad? even worse than what i did yesterday? is this some kind of sign of what would come on tomorrow?

i couldn’t erase the feeling. i’ve tried to have fun with the games, distracted my attention to something i really like like writing and reading, even have tried to watch porn–hey, it was worth to try–but nothing work. useless. this is bad and i feel beyond uncomfortable now.

it will be relieving if it turns out to be just a guilt left from yesterday, but what if it is something else? something come to warn me? i believe my mind knows what will happened just next to my life. it wasn’t unexplained-able, because i believe there were connections between everything in this world and our mind can detect the connections without us being conscious about it, thus we can have ‘feeling’ about what’ll happened next.

unfortunately, i’ve never been able to distinguish the different between the leftover of the feeling and the warning of the initial problem. this makes me anxious in a level of someone who got anxiety disorder. because i rarely feel this way, i claim myself free from the disease. and that only makes this whole feeling worst.

.

yaiks.

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